Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
