this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
