so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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