just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
