just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
