I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
