omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you didnt know i had herpes?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
