whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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