I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
