My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize