I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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