Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
