Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
