Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
