I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Houston, we have a blender
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Panties = found
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