It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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