We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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