do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize