the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
