i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
