I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize