I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
