You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So vagazzling was a success
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize