So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
