I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize