69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
