I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
