she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
