and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im part way to drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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