i just made my gag reflex go away.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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