C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
