I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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