His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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