if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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