this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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