If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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