I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
