Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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