8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
