my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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