Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
