how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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