I never want to see another naked old woman again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize