i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
