I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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