In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
