I cannot find my penis.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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