apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
