very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
