even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
