how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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