i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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