Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
