My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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