I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
