"it" just moved
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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