I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
