My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize