I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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