so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
