my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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