worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's the barista slut.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
