READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my poor anus
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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