Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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