i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
