That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
