i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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