SEEEEXXX PLEASE
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
