Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
