On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
